I met fucking Danzig yesterday!!! *satan horn hand gesture*

Glenn Danzig is probably the most revered and reviled character in the worlds of both punk and metal. Most everyone agrees that he has created some great music, and most everyone agrees that he's a total wash-up. I have heard both the phrases "Danzig rules!" and "Danzig is a total dick!" dozens of times. Glenn presents himself as a breathing characature of darkness and the machismo valued by heavy metal music, and this works to his advantage. Most reasonably intelligent people with reasonably good taste in music have the ability to laugh at his inherent silliness while genuinely loving the music of the Misfits, Samhain, and Danzig (the band). I am one of those people.

Mr. Danzig currently resides in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles; his delapidated two story house, replete with the functionless pile of bricks in the front yard and black Jaguar in the driveway, has become a punk rock landmark. Everyone knows he lives there and some people will go so far as to nab a brick for a souvenir or throw urine on his car for a good story. Danzig is a hero, a villian, an idol, and a punching bag ("Northside Kings are undefeated!") all rolled into one.

I am shopping at Amoeba Music in L.A., and I spot the legend himself walking past me. I have to talk to him. But what if he is a dick to me? It's cool. I think I can take it. Everyone seems to think that way about him anyway. What if we become good buddies? That would be pretty cool, but hard to fathom. I have to start a conversation, but about what? He's looking in the New York Dolls section, now he's in the T. Rex section. Alright, this guy has good taste. Now he's in the black metal section. Go figure. I officially qualify as a stalker. This is getting weird. I'm just going to get this over with.

"I just want you to know that I'm a big fan of your music."

"Thanks man!" He smiles and shakes my hand. Alright!

I mention that I used to work at Aron's Records, which was put out of business by Amoeba. He tells me how Amoeba has it all. "Just look at this place. They have a black metal section." He talks about how Aron's didn't have a metal section, and often times, wouldn't buy metal CDs of his over the counter. "I didn't even want cash. I just wanted to trade them for store credit." He talks about the snobbishness of the employees, but I don't take this as a slight against me personally, because this is a common sentiment that people had about Aron's. Besides, he couldn't be talking about me personally, because I never met him before.

I ask him what he's up to nowadays. He says he's releasing Black Aria 2, a follow-up album to his dreadful instrumental album from the early 90s, which basically sounded like Danzig songs played on a synthesizer set to "violin" mode. I suggest that he reissue the Glenn Danzig Who Killed Marilyn? 7" from 1982. This record basically sounds like Misfits songs with really shaky drumming, but hey, the songs are good. He informs me that he actually is working with Caroline Records right now on getting that put out again. I tell him I have a poster of the cover art for this record on my wall. He says, "Must be a bootleg, because we didn't make one of those."

Glenn is notorious for being a cut-throat business man, who gets extremely worked up over people bootlegging his intellectual property (maybe "intellectual" isn't the right word, but you get the idea) - unlicensed live albums, t-shirts, posters, etc. There is reason to believe that if he made money on every Misfits shirt that was made without his permission, he'd be a millionaire many times over.

I tell him I'm sorry and I didn't know it was a bootleg. He flashes me a smile, indicating that I'm off the hook. Danzig won't kick my ass in the middle of the record store. Whew! By the way, even with his thick soled boots, I am almost a whole head taller than him. Danzig is now in his early 50s, balding, and very strange looking. There is no doubt that he's had a few nose jobs over the years.

I ask him about the Misfits album 12 Hits From Hell that was supposed to come out around five years ago, but never saw the light of day. "That was bullshit. [Former Misfits guitarist] Bobby Steele went in and recorded guitar tracks over old recordings, and they pretended it was a real recording from a long time ago." He tells me that someone at Caroline who has since been fired was behind the project.

"Didn't Lyle Preslar work at Caroline too?" I ask. In the early 80s, Lyle was Minor Threat's guitarist and the original guitarist for Samhain.

"Yeah, but he got fired."

"Why?"

"Because he's an asshole."

Glenn is very open about who his enemies are, and they seem to number many. I tell him I've met Ian [MacKaye], and he's certainly a nice guy. Danzig pauses for a long time.

"We're just into different shit. I'm into the heavy shit."

We start talking about glam music. Aside from seeing him checking out the Dolls and T. Rex a few minutes back, I remember hearing Glenn on Indie 103.1 talking about how much of a Slade fan he is. "There's a lot of fake glam out there," he tells me, most likely referring to 80s hair metal bands like Poison, who were mislabeled glam by American audiences. I tell him I like the real stuff, from the early 70s.

The subject changes to the origins of the term punk. Glenn tells me that punk is an American construct used to refer to garage bands of the 60s. "You used to walk into a record store and there would be a garage punk section." He mentions the Seeds, and I tell him I've seen them before. "You didn't see the real Seeds. That's just [Seeds vocalist] Sky Saxon trying to pay the rent!"

I immediately think about how the same could be said about the band Danzig. The original band split apart in the mid-90s, and now it's Glenn and a revolving door of no-names keeping up with the latest metal trends, be it White Zombie style techno metal a decade ago, or As I Lay Dying style pick harmonic metal that is popular in the 00s.

I am curious to know what Danzig is currently listening to. He picks up some CD in the black metal section, and says, "The heavy shit."

We say our farewells, and I feel satisfied that I got to talk turkey with the dark prince himself.

Danzig rules.
Danzig is a total dick.
Danzig rules.